I've recently realized that conscious and subconscious are not opposite ends but layered the same way our earth is layered. It is hard to imagine something as concrete and beautiful as our planet's surface could be floating on something that is fluid, hot and dangerous. I believe we evolve from the environment that which we live in. A recent personal experiment led me to believe that our minds may indeed be working in a similar way our earth does.

Few years ago, I started jotting down anything that crossed my mind in a private Twitter account. I wanted to get to know my most inner instinct. Initially, it was exhilarating to experience such freedom for the mind. In the later part of the exercise however inspired some rather disturbing thoughts that led me to doubt my own sanity. Could I be a psycho if a murdering thought occurred from experiencing road rage? Do I have a problem if I want to throw my precious pet (which I loved dearly) out of a window of a moving car? I stopped the exercise when similar thoughts increase in occurrence. To know I’m fundamentally corrupt was a big blow to my confidence as a human being. I had crossed a territory I wasn’t suppose to… I thought. After stopping for a couple of months, I got better because I knew who I was ultimately, and that psychotic guy was definitely not me. But, he’s inside me, and that’s a fact. So why am I this way? From my previous argument, if we all evolved on this planet, there must be a clue in nature to help me understand more about myself. I remembered a project Russia had executed decades ago to see how deep we can dig towards the center of the earth. The operation halted when the temperature got too high as they dug deeper; our earth’s core is dangerous, hot, and uncertain even though its surface is beautiful full of trees, water, and mountains.

We all look to be beautiful, moral, and happy on the outside, but like earth, the deeper we go, more troubles we find. Not saying everyone has a psycho inside, but I think moral is based on our stages of survival — It only exists when our levels of desires are fulfilled. We wouldn’t kill anyone for fun, but would we kill anyone to live? Would we kill so our children can be safe? The anxiety gene may stay hidden ensuring that when danger presents itself, we are equipped to survive without moral. It’s not necessarily required or even ideal for our modern lifestyle, but it is likely we’ll eventually evolve into a more peaceful species more suitable to our man-made world. Perhaps it’ll take an apocalypse to destroy everything to remind us how to be a human on this planet once more. But before that happens, it’s becoming apparent and safe to assume that the more of our natural needs are fulfilled, the more moral we are capable of being while deep inside, we are still capable of breaking rules to survive.